*For the record, I generally abstain from stories about my kids' bowel habits. No one cares, I know. But for today I'm breaking my own rule. I'm not offended if you don't care.*
I used to think that any parent whose child ate their own poop was a moron.
When I'd hear these sorts of stories, I'd put on my best acting face, tilt my head, nod sympathetically...
but really what I was thinking was:
Are you stupid?
Have you no control over your child?
Poops come out one end, the mouth is at the other.
How could you not have prevented that?
I'm ashamed to say this beautiful being is a poop-eater:
Which makes this crazy lady a moron:
The kid has serious twisty-bendy-roll-aroundy skillz when it comes to diaper changing.
Here's the play by play:
1- I smelled something needing attention
2- I lay him on the floor, assuming the position of a diaper change
3- Remove said diaper
4- As with every other diaper change, Buddy's hand immediately heads down south to make sure all boy goods are still in tact
This is where all of my control is relenquished
5- With my cat-like reflexes and speed I grab his hand so fast to wipe it off
6- He freaks & shoves his heel into the open diaper
7- I grab another wipe to quickly cleanse the left heel, but his heel is too fast & smears goodness all over my pants
8- Then repeat step 7 with right heel, but this time it went all over the carpet (chill out tatty, I cleaned it up appropriately)
9- By now he has 2 hands checking in on his manhood & left hand goes right up to his face...& you can imagine the rest.
I really, really tried to not let that happen.
I apologize to anyone who ever told me their story while I silently gave you the "Bad Parent Award" in my head.