So as I sit here & type, my heart is aching & my eyes are soaked.
I debated where to get all my thoughts out:
Should I write them in my old-school leather bound journal?
Should I post them on my private blog for my eyes only?
Or should I post them where others can read, reflect, & share?
I chose the latter.
Some dear friends of ours lost their darling boy this past Friday. It was totally unexpected & as anyone can even try to imagine, very devastating.
This weekend has been one with constant tears in our home.
As I had a quiet moment this morning, I tried to make some sense out of why this has impacted me so much.
Here's what I've discovered:
1-We cry because Tyler & I love our friends dearly & are heart-broken for them.
We're sad for them. We know they're hurting.
If what I'm feeling is only a small taste of what they're feeling, then they have the strength of a hero.
We have always thought the world of our dear friends. We met them in the singles ward years ago & can attest that they have both always had a light around them.
A couple weeks ago Tyler was at their house watching a football game & came home & said,
"I just really, really like those 2.
People don't get any better than that."
2- I've been crying because I'm going to miss the sweet little guy.
What a tender, big spirit, & not to mention the most gorgeous dark eyes.
When he was over here earlier in the week, Avy insisted on feeding him goldfish. He kept looking at her like she was crazy, but went along with her demands.
He kept wanting me to turn on Lincoln's bouncy seat music so he & Avy could dance.
& I think the best part of their playdate was when he kept trying to coax me into putting him in Avy's doll stroller.
I know Avy will miss her handsome little buddy too.
3- I've been crying because I have been noticing the other side of the Veil is so real and it's so close. The tears for reason #3 aren't tears of sadness, but are my way of expressing how strongly I have noticed the Holy Ghost & the reality of our Heavenly Father in the past 2 days.
This tragic experience has solidified my knowledge that Heavenly Father has big plans for us all. It's a bummer we don't know what they are & also that we may not like them so much at first, but they're big & they'll be better than we could have imagined.
I've always been grateful for that knowledge, but the comfort that comes from it at times like this is so reassuring that things will be okay.
As my friend and I were talking yesterday, we discussed how incredibly short our time is here on Earth.
Seriously, whether it's 19 months like her perfect little son, or 90+ years like my sweet Grandma Bird, that is such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things.
What we choose to do with that time is so important.
We hope you know the love & care that has been felt for your sweet, choice family these past few days.
You guys are truly, truly amazing.