Sunday, August 9, 2009

What do Queen Elizabeth, 5 am, & 10,000 calories have in common?

Clearly there's only 1 answer...
The annual Ladies Night up in San Fran-Freak-O
(as Michael Savage likes to call it).

Queen Elizabeth:
Knowing I would find a killer deal on a hotel, my posse put me in charge of reservations.
I did not fail them.
We made reservations to stay at the Westin St. Francis. This is a beautiful, rich in history, smack-dab on Union Square,
world-renowned hotel.

Dignitaries from all over have stayed here; Queen Elizabeth, General Macarthur, Barack Obama, Shirley Temple, the UN has met here, Hollywood stars, poets, playwrites, literi, & several US Presidents have stayed here.

We were all THRILLED about staying here.

So we arrive.
The city is bustling & the night-life is hopping as we roll up to parking.
We enter the grand, lavish lobby all giddy and excited
(as any group of ladies escaping responsibility for a night would be).

I go check us in.
The lady behind the desk tells me:
"We have an option for you. Due to major events in the city this weekend, we are overbooked & trying to open up some rooms. Would you be willing to give up your room & we will put you up in a comparable hotel just a short distance away from here? We will cover all charges (hotel, parking, cabs)."

I pow-wow with the ladies.
Knowing Tat & other husbands would be EXTREMELY impressed with the ladies, we all oblige.

Heck we don't care! As long as it's free & just as good as the Westin, then sign us up.

So we're shown pics & told we'd be staying at Hotel Vertigo.

Looks great to us. And it's FREE!

So we hop in our awaiting cab & cruise around Union Square.
Cabbie #1 is crazy. I. MEAN. CRAZY.
Ever play Mario Kart when you were 10 years old?
Remember what a crazy driver you were?
Remember feeling bad for Yoshi?
I know how he felt.
We exited the cab after SEVERAL long minutes of chaos, slammed breaks, whiplash & nausea.

We should have known what a treat we were in for when Cabbie #1 said:
"Oh yes! I stayed here my first time in San Francisco. It's a great hotel."

We arrive at Hotel the hood.
Looks somewhat cute from the outside.
Lobby is decent.

We are told our room has 2 twin beds.
We say:
"There's a mistake. There are 5 of us & we were told at the Westin you would give us 2 queens."
Again, we are told we can have 2 twins & we can go take a look at the room.

So we walk through this hallway, taking care to look over our shoulders for ghosts or creepy bleeding children at the end of the hallway:

We pass doors like this, taking care not to study the scene too hard lest we become witnesses in a murder trial.

We enter a tiny, moldy room with 2 twin beds. Upon entering the room we hear the guest next door make a horrid bodily noise (still not sure which part of the body the noise emerged from) & assume that red tape will soon be covering his door as well.

We laugh hysterically & curse the Westin.

We then go back down the stairs, which by the way were made for ghost children & anorexic crack-addicts, not 6.5 month pregnant ladies who are wider than the stair-well.

We hop back in another cab and say, "Yo, home to Bel-Air!" (meaning the Westin).
Cabbie #2 was JUST as entertaining as #1.
He started asking all sorts of questions about libido & pregnancy.

We wipe off our laughing grins & march right up to the counter and DEMAND the manager meet us pronto.
Well, not really. We patiently waited in the long line & used our firm, yet pleasant 6 inch voices.

We are apologized to profusely & told that they have never sent anyone there & didn't really know much about the place.
Oh we gave them the low-down.
In fact, friend Heather even made sure to use the phrase:
"Yes, we could hear the man next to us defecating in his room."
We are given free drinks, we are given a free upgraded room for the night, we are given free parking (which was going to cost 50 bones!) & we are given a free long-distance call. Not that the call was used, but thought you should know what great care was taken of us.

So that's the story of Queen Elizabeth II.

5 am:
What kind of a week-end getaway would it be if we actually got some rest?

The night & early morning were filled with chatter, chatter, & even more chatter.

And how could you make Cyndi Lauper proud if there isn't any jumping, & breaking, of the beds on a weekend getaway?

10,000 Calories:
And last, but not least, what kind of gluttonous weekend would it have been if there wasn't face-stuffing. All night long. All morning long. And all brunch-time long?

& we decided that we would HAVE to shop all afternoon long the next day to burn those kcals.

What a lovely, & let us not forget memorable, weekend in the City.


The Mostess said...

Mr. Prez and The Queen would totally have been fine with the other "accommodations." I now see that we are selfish and spoiled. I shall repent at once.

Thanks for yet another fun and tasty weekend. I will be working off those calories this week!

mrs. said...

"Yes, we could hear the man next to us defecating in his room."

Priceless. I can just picture Heather using that sentence and it makes me laugh. really hard.

Tammy said...

hahaha - good times!

Matt and Jessie said...

Looks like a blast! Glad you got a mini break. Hopefully you get another one before baby #2 arrives. Anyway, mad props on scoring all the free stuff! You rock! Love ya!

Valerie said...

Hayley, OH.MY.HECK. I was laughing so freaking hard, seriously I love the line about bleeding children down the hallway. I am so glad the guy wasn't in the hallway "defacting" you guys, ewwwww. What a fun weekend. I wish I had a group of girls to do that with where I lived...nothing but lots of old people (was that too mean? I do like the old people, I mean they are quiet neighbors and all) any way, loved the story and about your question, I use ADOBE CS4, and every time I learn something new on that program my brain feels like it might explode and it takes days to recover. I don't know how that program was made up (but I am thankful to the computer geeks who did make it :)

Lindsay said...

Holy did have to post this a week before we're scheduled to stay at the Westin in Leipzig (also a smokin' deal!).

I'm still looking forward to my first night away from the kid...hopefully my day will come soon. If you need another get away before baby #2 comes, ring my bell!

I love that you guys bring a fondue pot and blender to your getaways.

The Mostess said...

It's not just a's a Margarita Oasis. It should never be confused with a mere blender.

I have been laughing all night about H's use of the word 'defecating' to the Westin manager.

We cannot be sure where that crack came from whilst we jumped on the bed. It could have been anything.

hteuscher said...

I could not think of another word that would display my complete displeasure - although we were prepared for a big fight with our best mean faces, the poor girl at the front desk was truly mortified! It really makes for the good stories - cant wait to see what happens next year:)

Benjamin & Shanae Lee said...

My husband being a Hotelie was totally disgusted at this event. I am glad it worked out for you! Sounds like a lot of fun!