I'm fully convinced toddler-hood is the happiest time of life.

I'm not being a jokester.
I'm not incorrectly announcing that my child is perfectly well-behaved.
I'm not trying to win Mormon Mom Blogger of the Year.
I'm just publicly shouting out to Little Red how much I love her & how much fun I have with her.
That's all.
Nothing More. Nothing Less.

(it appears we're ready for our first haircut, maybe?)

And why wouldn't toddler-hood be the happiest time?

1- She likely wet her undies in the puddle & nobody even knew.

2- Her days are filled with pure fun. No boredom. No stress.

ie- kite flying, park playing, carousel riding, ice-cream cones...

3- She pretty much has her dad tricked into doing ANYTHING she asks.

ie- "go for walk, dad?" ok

"go in backyard, dad?" ok

"daddy come find me!" ok

"daddy come eat!" ok

"daddy be nice!" ok

(not that Tat's a ferocious beast, she just yelled that at him in the car the other day for no apparent reason)

4- the only down-side to her day is when we apply sunscreen on her face

5- when she wants to have a freak-out moment, she can throw herself on the floor & cry. nobody bats an eyelash. i tried that once & tat & manny/uncle austy thought i needed to be admitted somewhere fast.

6- while running errands today she told me, "poo-poo mom! need diapey on!"

meaning she knew she had undies on, she didn't want to use a public toilet, & she would rather poo in her comfy soft diaper.

nobody gives me a choice.

7- & last but definitely not least,

she gets to drink whole milk.

Why do kids get all of life's goodies?

What do Queen Elizabeth, 5 am, & 10,000 calories have in common?

Clearly there's only 1 answer...

The annual Ladies Night up in San Fran-Freak-O
(as Michael Savage likes to call it).


Queen Elizabeth:
Knowing I would find a killer deal on a hotel, my posse put me in charge of reservations.
I did not fail them.
We made reservations to stay at the Westin St. Francis. This is a beautiful, rich in history, smack-dab on Union Square,
world-renowned hotel.

Dignitaries from all over have stayed here; Queen Elizabeth, General Macarthur, Barack Obama, Shirley Temple, the UN has met here, Hollywood stars, poets, playwrites, literi, & several US Presidents have stayed here.

We were all THRILLED about staying here.

So we arrive.
The city is bustling & the night-life is hopping as we roll up to parking.
We enter the grand, lavish lobby all giddy and excited
(as any group of ladies escaping responsibility for a night would be).

I go check us in.
The lady behind the desk tells me:
"We have an option for you. Due to major events in the city this weekend, we are overbooked & trying to open up some rooms. Would you be willing to give up your room & we will put you up in a comparable hotel just a short distance away from here? We will cover all charges (hotel, parking, cabs)."

I pow-wow with the ladies.
Knowing Tat & other husbands would be EXTREMELY impressed with the ladies, we all oblige.

Heck we don't care! As long as it's free & just as good as the Westin, then sign us up.

So we're shown pics & told we'd be staying at Hotel Vertigo.

Looks great to us. And it's FREE!

So we hop in our awaiting cab & cruise around Union Square.
Cabbie #1 is crazy. I. MEAN. CRAZY.
Ever play Mario Kart when you were 10 years old?
Remember what a crazy driver you were?
Remember feeling bad for Yoshi?
I know how he felt.
We exited the cab after SEVERAL long minutes of chaos, slammed breaks, whiplash & nausea.

We should have known what a treat we were in for when Cabbie #1 said:
"Oh yes! I stayed here my first time in San Francisco. It's a great hotel."

We arrive at Hotel Vertigo...in the hood.
Looks somewhat cute from the outside.
Lobby is decent.

We are told our room has 2 twin beds.
We say:
"There's a mistake. There are 5 of us & we were told at the Westin you would give us 2 queens."
Again, we are told we can have 2 twins & we can go take a look at the room.

So we walk through this hallway, taking care to look over our shoulders for ghosts or creepy bleeding children at the end of the hallway:


We pass doors like this, taking care not to study the scene too hard lest we become witnesses in a murder trial.

We enter a tiny, moldy room with 2 twin beds. Upon entering the room we hear the guest next door make a horrid bodily noise (still not sure which part of the body the noise emerged from) & assume that red tape will soon be covering his door as well.


We laugh hysterically & curse the Westin.

We then go back down the stairs, which by the way were made for ghost children & anorexic crack-addicts, not 6.5 month pregnant ladies who are wider than the stair-well.

We hop back in another cab and say, "Yo, home to Bel-Air!" (meaning the Westin).
Cabbie #2 was JUST as entertaining as #1.
He started asking all sorts of questions about libido & pregnancy.
NICE.

We wipe off our laughing grins & march right up to the counter and DEMAND the manager meet us pronto.
Well, not really. We patiently waited in the long line & used our firm, yet pleasant 6 inch voices.

We are apologized to profusely & told that they have never sent anyone there & didn't really know much about the place.
Oh we gave them the low-down.
In fact, friend Heather even made sure to use the phrase:
"Yes, we could hear the man next to us defecating in his room."

We are given free drinks, we are given a free upgraded room for the night, we are given free parking (which was going to cost 50 bones!) & we are given a free long-distance call. Not that the call was used, but thought you should know what great care was taken of us.

So that's the story of Queen Elizabeth II.

5 am:
What kind of a week-end getaway would it be if we actually got some rest?
Exactly.

The night & early morning were filled with chatter, chatter, & even more chatter.

And how could you make Cyndi Lauper proud if there isn't any jumping, & breaking, of the beds on a weekend getaway?

10,000 Calories:
And last, but not least, what kind of gluttonous weekend would it have been if there wasn't face-stuffing. All night long. All morning long. And all brunch-time long?

& we decided that we would HAVE to shop all afternoon long the next day to burn those kcals.

What a lovely, & let us not forget memorable, weekend in the City.

The simple joys of summer.

On the record, this post of pics is mainly for the viewing pleasure of the G-parentals.

With that said, enjoy the photo-log of our lazy summer days.

And that about wraps up what your adorable grand-daughter has been up to all summer.

Regardless of the mystery casserole & the piles of laundry...

I am my mother.

I didn't think this day would come until at least my 3rd or 4th child, but it's official,

I'm the Great Lady who gave me life.

As Avy & I walked to our car today at the airport, we saw swarms of soldiers outside saying good-bye to loved ones & taking roll call.

Avy asked, "What's that jammies?"
(obviously she thought the uniforms looked like awesome pj's)

I responded that they were soldiers.

And then the Mother Bird moment happened.

As I tried to explain to her who soldiers are and what they do, I started to cry.

She looked at me funny and asked again..."Soldiers?"

I started to tell her again that soldiers defend their country & keep us safe, but I couldn't control the water works! What's the deal?

The whole way home I was wiping tears as I thought about the beautiful country I live in & the self-less people who secure that for me.

Thanks, Mom, for instilling patriotism & loose tear ducts in me.

My million dollar idea.

Why has no one invented disposable clothing yet?

Don't feel like doing dishes?

check!

(paper plates)

Don't feel like scrubbing down the bathroom?

check!

(quick wipe-down with Clorox disinfecting wipes)

Don't feel like cooking dinner?

check!

(take-out...frozen pizza...cereal...so many choices!)

Don't feel like trekking to the park?

check!

(pbs kids is just as educational & mind-growing)

Don't feel like washing the dish rag?

check!

(Othello sponges...so cheap at Target)

Don't feel like washing your own car?

check!

(the local car wash does SUCH a great job in so little time)

Don't feel like doing laundry?

TOO STINKING BAD!!!

There is NO shortcut for this one.

I have arrived.

Why?

Monday night:

I made turkey pineapple meatballs for dinner.

Nobody liked them. There were SEVERAL left over.

Wednesday night:

I disguised every single one of those meatballs & a load of spinach in a mystery casserole.

Every plate was licked clean.

Conclusion?

Turning my unpopular meatballs into a new family favorite casserole...

I'm an official Mormon lady.

Is it possible...

...that this sweet, innocent baby:


is the same girl that told me yesterday that when
"Avy bigger"
she wants a
"bra"
for her
"own tummy" ???
Is she seriously capable of not only saying that,
but showing interest in supportive underclothing already?

Broken Promises. Tsk, tsk.

Things I promised I would NEVER do as a parent.

And how easily I've broken them.

pre-kid:

I would NEVER feed my child Dino-nuggets. I abstain from trendy, tot-marketed products & will never give in to the advertising crowd.

post-kid:

How many today, Avy? 3 or 4? Yes ketchup, or no ketchup?

pre-kid:

My spawn will NEVER lose thier imaginations & creativity to the laziness of a portable DVD player. Long road trips were made for memories & quality family bonding time.

post-kid:

What could be more imagination building than 13 hours straight of Barney & the backyard gang?

Thank you, my dear purple dinosaur. Thank you.

pre-kid:

My child will NEVER be one of those green-runny-nosed kids whose mother doesn't care enough to wipe their nose.

post-kid:

It just doesn't stop. When the tot has the runs o' the nose, there's no keeping it clean.

No matter how hard I try to teach her to use her shirt, it's a lost cause.

It's better to just let it run it's course & clean up at the end of the day.

pre-kid:

My child will NEVER eat macaroni & cheese from a box. That nuclear, fake food just has no place in the perfect bowels of my daughter.

post-kid:

It's not really that bad. Cheese is dairy. Noodles are grains. Throw some canned green beans & canned peaches on the side &, well what do you know?

We've made the food guide pyramid proud!

pre-kid:

I could NEVER think of putting the DVD on the "play continuously" mode. What kind of a horrible parent would you have to be to do such a thing?

post-kid:

"Avy, we have a 5 hour drive ahead of us. Would you like to watch Melanie & Barney 2 times, or would you like to watch Princess Zulee & Barney 2 times?"

Bless the play continuously option

pre-kid:

My child will always have matching clothes & NEVER look like a rag-a-muffin.

post-kid:

Note the inside-out & backward-ness of the orange velour pants.

pre-kid:

Sugary snacks are completely UNNECESSARY for my child.

post-kid:

There is no better bribery tool than "ponies" at our house.

& not to mention I loaded up when they were $1 a box.